On Transitioning into the Real World

The past few days have sunk me into a haze that drifts between the absence of thought, time, and space and spurts of activity, of life. When all you've known is school and a job, and it's cut from you like an umbilical chord, you float in a sea of absence. There is no inspiration to write, because that originally came from school. There is no inspiration to read, everything I had to read was because of school, there is no reason to clean, that was the only escape I had from being scholastically productive.

So for three days straight I sat and stared at facebook, not reading, not really interested in what was going on, just zoning out. The whole time there is a voice leaning into my ear "you should do the dishes . . . you should make a makeup tutorial . . . you should play your piano . . ."  Things I said I would do once I was done with school. For some reason I had no motivation, like it was post traumatic stress disorder. Did I have shell shock from the absence of school?

Yes. Yes I did.  I think I'm starting to come back from it now. I forced myself to clean the house from top to bottom. I even used bleach and scrubbed the floors. Something about the smell must have burned my brain back into reality. The house is clean now. I just finished blow drying my hair and am about to start on a pile of laundry that will surely dominate my existence for the next two weeks. The struggle for motivating myself to do something seems to be at an end. I think I'll even pull my piano out from the closet-hell, I think I'll reorganize the whole damn closet. It will be a blank slate.  

Tomorrow is a very big day for me. Tomorrow I walk down that all too important aisle and step into my future. No, I'm not getting married, I'm graduating from college.

From now on when I write it will be for me. It will be because I want to.